Most teenagers go to bed late because they want to make sure they fall asleep quickly. It is when they try to fall asleep and lay in bed, with the lights out and the world in silence that they think the most gruesome thoughts. They like avoiding that.
Now you know.
Varsity Crop Top, Teenage Dirtbag Beanie, Aztec Leggings from @chicpedia in IG. Arm candy accessories from @awesomefindsss in IG.
Because I felt like writing another sappy, over dramatic love story. Bear with the length. I got carried away. Hello Tumblr, it feels good to be back.
"Make a wish," he said, gently sifting out a seemingly single black thread under my eye. "Fallen eyelash."
I closed my eyes as he extended his palm towards me, my eyelash in between his fingers. I bit my lip as hard as I could only to stop myself from crying. Please stay with me, please stay with me, please stay with me.
"So what did you wish for?" He said, a little too close.
"If I tell you, it won’t come true." I sighed, loud enough for me to hear so I would know I wasn’t numb. Yet it was drowned by wheels rolling and baggages sighing with me as it secretly complains about the overpacking of most people. The microphone announced the names of the last passengers for the 3rd time. "Calling the attention of Ms. Paeton…"
I pointed to a girl probably in her mid-30’s, wearing heels that were a tad too big, and with a bundle of blonde mess where her hair should be running all across one end to another. Her face was a mixture of fatigue and restlessness, which I don’t want to try anytime soon, if you ask me, “I’m guessing she’s Ms. Paeton.”
"I don’t know. From her name and the way the flight attendant pronounces it in a sexy French accent, I kind of imagined her to be a lot younger." He smirked at me and his eyebrows rose up and down, up and down like they always did when he tried to be cute. "Maybe I could finally give up the girl for my dreams for Ms. Pay-tun," he added trying his best to muster the same accent but with too much air. I mocked disgust in response.
"… and Mr. Fable…" The flight attendant continued.
"That would be you." I bit my lip again.
"If that wasn’t obvious enough, yep." He looked into my eyes. His brown, stellar eyes that never seemed fit for this world. "Now, would you tell me what you wished for?"
I shook my head. “No.”
"Again, this is the last call for Mr. Fable for Flight J839-135 heading to Los Angeles. The plane will depart in a moment." The flight attendant’s voice kept bouncing off the walls, hunting us.
"Everybody has probably memorized your name what with the many times it has been mentioned." I said, not knowing what else to say.
"Whatever you wished for, look to the sky as you leave this airport. If you see a star and a plane, that means it’s going to come true." He took me in his hands and hugged me.
"You should probably go." I whispered. He nodded and started going to the plane, where I’m sure the passengers will give mean looks for messing with the time departure.
"Even though that’s the opposite of what I wished for." I whispered, him too being far away to hear.
As I started walking towards the road, I looked up. If you see a star and a plane, your wish is going to come true. He said. It was 3 o’clock in the afternoon. There would be no stars. But the plane was enough to let me know it didn’t come true. I started to cry. I was immobilized but there was a loud screech and a big smoke and all of a sudden, people were even more frantic than before.
I looked to the sky. There was no plane anymore. Just fire and smoke. I started to panic. What I thought was happening, could it be possible? The darkest thoughts came into my mind. Engines gone wrong. A plane crash. Gas leak.
I was freaking out.
Then I felt a tap.
And a familiar laugh.
"Funny little thing you are. All tough on the outside but look at you," He nudged. "Don’t worry, I’m here."
And yes, there he was, Mr. Fable. I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t say anything. I just stared at him with my eyes swelling. I probably came across as either a little, lost puppy or a baby crying for her mother. But I didn’t care. He was here. And the plane was up in the sky in flames.
"I knew what you wished for." He smiled at me. "I just wanted you to say it. Say it again."
"I.." I teared up even more. "I didn’t want you to go."
And he hugged me so tight, I couldn’t breathe.
"You didn’t go into the plane?" I pointed to the sky. "It was just up there, it went up in flames and it, it was.." I was breathless and so were all the people around me who were looking at the sky and starting to cry. Emergency units were arriving, sirens were everywhere. How many people were on that plane? How many more did they leave behind. "I’m so glad you didn’t hop in."
"Shush," he said and smirked again, yet he wasn’t trying to be cute. He was sincere and he looked so lovely.
"My wish came true. There was a plane but there was no star, but it came true."
"Oh, what would you do without me?" He laughed. "It came true because there were both planes and a star present."
"No star. See?" I pointed to the sky again. We were laughing in the middle of a crime scene. We were being indifferent but I didn’t care. I was too happy.
"There are stars. You just can’t see them. They’re hidden, but they are there." He caressed my face just as a teardrop fell. "Just like I am. You may not see me, but I am there, okay? Never forget that. I’m leaving now, I have to check up on my parents so they don’t hyperventilate when they know the plane crashed. I’m your star. Always granting your wish. Always here, okay?"
And this time, I hugged him. “I love you.”
"And I love you." He said as he started to dig deep into the thick crowd of people. I wished I could say I felt sorry for the ones who had just witnessed their loved ones die in that plane, but at that time, I felt too relieved he was in my arms. "Always here, okay?" He repeated again as he finally disappeared.
The next day, I called him. I had just checked up on the newspaper, with the headline being that of the plane crash. It turned out, a terrorist was on that plane with everyone and when it was already in air, the terrorist died with everybody on that plane. There were no survivors.
His answering machine picked up. “Hey, it’s Fable. Not the animal story, but the animal with a story. Get it? Get it? Leave a message after the beep.”
Wow, that’s odd. It was unlike him to not answer. I hanged up. He was still probably sleeping.
I scanned through the rest of the pages and all of them were dedicated to the deaths of the people on Flight J839-135. The Obituary presented them one by one, in honor of their departed souls. I saw the flight attendant with a French accent. It said there that she grew up on India but have dedicated herself to finding her family in France. She wanted to become a flight attendant and wanted to learn French so it would be easier for her to look for her parents. I also saw Ms. Paeton in ink, with her passport picture scanned and printed. She actually looked decent and pretty when her hair isn’t busy trying to knot itself. I suddenly felt sorry for her.
And at the very bottom, I saw a picture. It was not of a person, but it was of tissue paper, coming from the plane, I presume. It was written there in a handwriting I could barely read. It was probably written when the terrorist was just about to start the bomb. It wrote there, “I’m sorry. I love you. I’m always here, okay?” The caption read: This was found in the vault of the plane. The writer, probably sensing nobody and nothing would survive, sacrificed the last moments of his life to get this letter to the vault, the only thing that remained intact on the plane. It has also been noted that the writer is probably the person who died with his hand hugging the vault and protecting it, but his face was unrecognizable.
I started to worry. The last line of the tissue felt very familiar.
I called his phone again.
His mom answered, “I’m sorry dear. But Fable’s dead.”
Ambiguous loss in medical terms is a death without a body involved. They’re gone, yet still here. Spaced out. Coma. Missing. Or hiding. It is the grief you feel for people who are still alive but dead to you.
And you, my friend, you’re my ambiguous loss.
If you’re going to leave someone, keep the light on. Don’t leave them in the dark where they can’t find answers.