I’m good at hiding my feelings. I wish I was as good in hiding my emotions.
We always say, “Be careful playing with glass. It’s fragile.” We instantly think it’s because it can break so easily. And that the fragments, when broken, break into even more fragments. But is it not also because you can see right through it that it is considered fragile?
My friend asked another, “Are you looking for the one or are you looking for the one in her?”
There can be two interpretations of this: a.) That you already have someone or an idea of someone in your head, and you’re looking for it in her and b.) The more heroic one, that instead of having a prior expectation, you, instead, find the good qualities in her and use that as a basis for the idea of the one.
Ironic though that after a boy encounters a choice B, every girl after that becomes a choice A. (Until someone takes choice B’s place and the process is repeated over and over again)
Which one are you?
There is a specific size for every puzzle. But this does not mean they contain the same number of puzzle pieces. There can be little but many. Bigger but a few. Medium and average. At first, we think they’re all the same. Then we realize we are wrong.
What’s common among all these, however, is the process of solving, of coping, of dealing with it. First, we identify one specific part. Say, the background or the edges, then we start forming everything else from there.
I’m a puzzle. We are all puzzles, actually. Puzzles not to be unraveled but to be formed. And I just can’t help but ask myself, how many puzzle pieces do I have?
Too many. Too little. Too scattered.
I’m grateful for all the little pieces. Really, I am. Because the more little they get, the more pieces can fit in the puzzle. The more people can fit into my life. What’s confusing about this is that because they’re so small, it’s hard to identify which part of the puzzle they belong to: the right arm, the noise, the background, the mind. Or the heart. Because they’re so small, all they really look like is a palette of one color, and another, and another. Its atomic, infinitestimal quality does not allow them to form a single shape on their own, at least one not distinct enough for me to work with. So, I have to combine all the little pieces just to see what the puzzle will look like, but still not knowing where to begin, for without a single piece, it will be incomplete. And the thing is, it’s not hard to lose one. I’m not saying I want to lose them but the most common things that are lost are the things that are small.
As for a bigger piece, we immediately notice them when they’re gone.
All I really need is someone who can be the bigger piece, be a little bigger than the others. Someone or something so distinct, that I know where to put all the other pieces. Someone who can make that much of an impact, someone so specific, and someone so shapely that I’m willing to sacrifice all the little pieces for it, all the little pieces that don’t matter. All I really need is someone who can put the small pieces in their place and someone who, pretty much, can form my puzzle just by being there.
All I really need is a bigger piece that can make everything make sense.
Do you still think of her when that song comes on? Because she does. Every single time.